Saturday, February 19, 2005

Hell's Cinema

Considering that now the Oscar fever is building up and my past few posts were movie related, I think I would like to continue the trend and talk about the joys and qualms of going to the movies. Because there's always that person who never bothered to switch off the phone, those that talk incessantly, those that can't keep still or those that find great joys in kicking the seat in front of them. But have you ever experienced all these at one seating? I have.

I was watching Harry Potter 3 (for the second time) and we got the best seat possible, right smack in the center of the cinema. We went in, in a timely manner and we were gracious, switched off the phone just as we sat down.

First came the 'blockhead', right in front of us sitting tall as if he was at his graduation ceremony.

Second came the 'late-comer'. Not only was she late she was also yakking all the way to her seat. She took her seat at the left of me, still yakking while playing with her handphone. The lights were already dimmed so you can imagine what a beacon her phone was from my seat.

Third came the 'rustler'. Probably not able to find any benches inside the mall, they purchased 2 cinema tickets so they can have a place to sit and inspect the result of their day's worth of shopping, while rummaging through their many plastic bags looking for things to chew on.

However, it was not over yet. The 'late-comer' aka 'the yakker' still haven't stop yakking even after the movie started. Because then she began to narrate the movie to her partner. Not only were she narrating, she was also lip-synching, saying the line out loud like she was the official script girl for TGV. "Yes Harry" "No Harry" "Ronald!" on and on and on. She was such a show-off, most probably hoping that the rest of us would be impressed that she's such a big fan of Harry Potter to know every line from the movie. NOT! And she wasn't even a good lip-syncher. She only knew the two-word lines. I'm not impressed pal!
And then came the big hall scene. And she started singing. Yes! She was singing!
Double double toil and trouble,
mumble mumble mumble
Something wicked this way come!
Agghhhhhh!!!!!!!!! I can't stand it anymore. I gave her a look. A loooooonnnnggggg look. I make sure that it was long enough for her to notice that I'm looking right at her. She tried to ignore me but I knew that she noticed me and she kept quiet... for a while. Then she started lip-synching again. Now, I'm not a short-tempered person and it's very difficult to get me angry but I was really pissed-off at that time. I turned to my friend, "The person beside me can't stop talking!"
"The person beside me can't stop eating!" she replied. I guess she got problems of her own in addition to the blockhead in front of her.

"Could you please be quiet?". R gave my elbow a nudge. "She's annoying!" I told R. I was really hoping that the person in front of her would at least turn around and gave her that look too. Maybe then she will know how annoying she was. It was not just my imagination that she was talking way above the appropriate volume for cinema and most annoying of all, she never stopped! There was always something to say, always something to lip-sync to. God! She did stop after I said that, to only start again a few minutes later.

Shut Up
I wish I could just scream that to her but instead I said, "Excuse me. Can you stop talking? I'm trying to watch the movie! It's very annoying!" And she kept quiet after that. But not absolute quiet. Nothing would stop her from narrating and commenting the movie to her friend, though she did it less and with a lower volume.

After we got out, we were not talking about the movie, we were talking about the bunch of losers that were our neighbors. R shared my frustration because she can also hear the yakker from her side. And I shared her frustration because I can hear the ppl beside her rustling through their plastic bags all the way from my side.

All in all, that was by far the WORST cinema experience I ever had. I will never forget it as long as I live, or until I found an even worst experience than this, which I doubt. But I do need to be grateful that the one behind us were not a 'kicker'. Oh wait, I did get a kicker when I saw this movie the first time. Oh hell!

I can't remember the last time I had a perfect cinema experience. I almost got it when I watched Cold Mountain but suddenly a phone rang at the most romantic moment of the whole goddamn movie.
"I'd marry you, I'd ma.... kring kring.... halo! watching a movie. Nanti I call balik. Apa? Tak boleh. Jangan buat camtu... giggle... ha... ok... ok..." She was so damn loud!
SSSHHHHH!!!!!!!! sad the person behind her. The whole cinema were already looking at her. At least we got her boyfriend uncomfortable. Hehe padan muka.

Will I ever get the most perfect, the most enjoyable movie experience? I don't know. But that remains as one of my most cherished wish.

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